The world isn’t what it used to be.
Because everything is so connected now, it’s easier for people with bad intentions to reach children even from far away. That means we, as parents, have to do more than warn about “stranger danger.” We need to give our kids the tools, confidence, and language to protect themselves.
The most powerful thing we can offer is open, honest communication. These conversations aren’t meant to scare your child or make them anxious. They’re about creating a safe space, one where they feel secure enough to come to you about anything.
Because kids should be free to play, explore, and be silly. They shouldn’t have to carry the weight of the world. That part’s on us.
1. The Body Safety Talk:
Kids shouldn’t use TikTok (or any social media). Period.
With that being said, there is a teacher on TikTok (Gelda Waterboer) right now who’s made up a little song for young children about not allowing anyone to touch their private parts. It has become very trendy and caught on like wildfire.
This is one of the most important talks to have with your children, and simple lessons like her song can help children, even in playschool, know there are boundaries, even though they might not understand why.
Grooming can happen very young, and if a child doesn’t know better, it can traumatize them for life and start them off in a world of secrets, fear, pain, and learning that not everyone has good intentions towards them.
● Teach them that their body belongs to them.
● Explain that the areas covered by their swimsuit are private.
● No one should ask to see or touch those private parts.
● They shouldn’t be asked to touch anyone else’s.
● Teach them to say “NO” and get away.
● Tell a trusted adult (mom, dad, grandparents) immediately if anyone breaks this rule, even if it’s someone they know or love.
When children get a bit older, expert psychologists recommend teaching the correct anatomical names for body parts, as it helps demystify the body, removes shame, and gives your child the precise language they need to clearly communicate what has happened.
But most importantly, this removes the ‘secrecy’ that abuses often exploit. Plus, if ANYTHING happens, it helps children communicate clearly back to you.
2. Online Friends Aren’t (Always) Real Friends
The ‘playground’ used to be outside, but children nowadays are growing up in a ‘digital playground’, and this requires guidance and parental involvement. This conversation teaches them to navigate online spaces safely.
Establish firm rules:
● Never share personal information (name, address, school, passwords).
● Never share photos with people online.
● Explain that people can pretend to be anyone on the internet.
● A ‘friend’ who is a gamer or someone in a chat room is still a stranger.
● Encourage them to come to you if anyone online asks them to keep a secret,
● If anyone makes them feel uncomfortable.
● If anyone asks to meet in person.
3. Secrets
While holding a secret can be something completely innocent, predators weaponize it. Kids can be made to feel special if someone shares a secret with them.
“Do you want me to tell you a secret?”.
Sounds intriguing. Children are often drawn to such a type of language.
It’s actually best to teach your child not to hold any secrets. And you’re not from them. At least not share irrelevant things that might upset them without any benefits.
This way, your child knows that they can share anything with you, they know you’re honest with them, and they know that if they ever want to ask or say anything, they can come to you. Even if they feel as if they’ve done something wrong. They’ll come and be honest. This way, there are no secrets.
Still, some families opt for adding secrets into their lives. Not in a bad way, necessarily.
It could be something innocent – a ‘happy secret’ – like preparing a secret birthday gift or party for dad.
If you have these types of secrets, then it’s important to teach your child that there are good and bad secrets.
A ‘bad secret’ is something that makes them feel bad (sad, confused, scared, uncomfortable) and/or something that they were told not to tell to anyone (especially if they were instructed not to say to mommy or daddy).
Also:
● Please make it a family rule that secrets about bodies, touches, or gifts from people who don’t want you to tell anybody are never okay.
● Make it as easy as you can for them to talk to a parent or a teacher if these things arise.
● Ensure to state that they would NEVER be in trouble and make sure you stick to that. Of course, you can ask questions, but try not to infer that what they are saying is not true.
4. The ‘Trust Your Gut’ Talk
Children are often taught to be polite, or nice and obedient, but they need to know that their feelings will also make them aware of what feels wrong or uncomfortable, and listen to them.
For example, if kissing and hugging relatives they don’t really know, it doesn’t make them. This shows you are validating their feelings.
● Teach them to identify that ‘yucky’ feeling in their stomach (intuition).
● Give them explicit permission to assert themselves and practice phrases like, “I need to leave now”, or a loud, “NO!” if they ever feel uncomfortable.
● Role-play scenarios so they feel confident trusting their instincts, even if the person making them uncomfortable is a family friend, coach, or relative.
5. Who Is In Your Bubble
Circumstances arise that a child may not feel comfortable telling their parents cause they are afraid and feel shame. Help them build a network of adults they can safely identify as trusted adults they can turn to.
Review and revisit this list every so often, as you never know how someone can change, and the child always needs to have confidence that the bubble can be trusted.
● Sit down and literally draw a circle together. Help them choose three to five adults they trust deeply (e.g., a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, an aunt, or a school counselor).
● Ensure these are adults you also trust and who would take action.
● Make sure your child knows they can talk to any of these people and that they will be believed.
● This gives them multiple pathways to safety and support.
The important thing is that any of these people can act on the information and tell authorities if need be.
If it turns out to be sexual abuse and you intend to take it to the courts, find a lawyer with experience in sexual abuse cases, as they’ll have the best knowledge of how to handle things from start to finish.
Conclusion
Too often, kids aren’t believed when they speak up. We see it in the news, in stories, and even in movies. And while it might make for a dramatic plot, in real life, it’s heartbreaking.
If your child comes to you about something even if it sounds far-fetched, even if it’s uncomfortable, they need to know you’ll take it seriously. It doesn’t mean you believe they saw a dragon, but it does mean you care enough to ask what it felt like.
Because when the big things happen, they’ll remember how you handled the little ones.
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