For years, I found myself in a quiet battle – one that I didn’t talk about much, not even with my closest friends. As a mom, creative spirit, and someone who loves bringing beauty into the world, I used to believe that chasing the perfect body was just part of self-care. I convinced myself it was about being healthy, staying active, and setting a good example. But slowly, I realized it had morphed into something else—something that didn’t feel like love or care anymore.
When Self-Improvement Becomes Self-Criticism
We hear so much about being our “best selves,” especially as women. And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel good, that idea can easily twist into something toxic. Suddenly, “best” starts to mean thinner, younger-looking, more toned. You scroll past flawless photos online, and without realizing it, you start wondering if you should be more… everything.
That happened to me. I followed fitness accounts “for motivation,” but instead of feeling inspired, I felt behind. Instead of feeling healthy, I felt stressed. I was chasing something, but I didn’t even know what. It wasn’t peace. It wasn’t confidence.
At some point, I had to ask myself: Who is this for? What am I proving and to whom?
The YouTube Video That Changed Everything
One night, while half-asleep and scrolling through YouTube, I found a video about something called palumboism, and it honestly shook me. It’s a rare condition that seems to affect male bodybuilders, especially those who competed in the ’90s and 2000s during the trend of extreme muscularity.
There’s no official medical research, but the stories online suggest it might be linked to a combination of intense training, high-calorie diets, and the use of insulin or HGH. The images were startling, but what really stayed with me was the message behind them.
We often talk about how women feel pressure to “perfect” their appearance, but men face it too. The idea that our bodies need to be constantly optimized, bigger, leaner, and younger, isn’t just a women’s issue. It’s a human one. And sometimes, the chase for perfection turns into something harmful.
Does Having the Perfect Body Make Us Happy?
This question stuck with me for days. Does achieving the “perfect” body actually make us happy? I used to think it would. But the more I reflect on it, the more I realize—it doesn’t.
Happiness isn’t a size. It’s not a number on the scale or a muscle measurement. I’ve felt insecure at my heaviest, sure, but I’ve also felt deeply unhappy when I was “in shape” but burned out, over-restricted, and chasing an impossible standard.
And I’ve seen it in others, too. People who looked amazing but still felt empty. Those who were afraid to skip a workout or enjoy a slice of birthday cake. Some pushed themselves too hard at the gym, while others started eating less and less until it became something more serious, like anorexia. That’s not joy.
These days, I ask different questions: Do I feel strong enough to carry my toddler upstairs? Do I have the energy to dance in the kitchen or build a bookshelf, or take a walk at sunset? Do I feel like myself?
Redefining Strength and Beauty
After watching that video and sitting with my own questions, I started shifting my focus. What if strength didn’t mean pushing harder, but knowing when to rest? What if beauty wasn’t something I had to “achieve,” but something I already carried with me?
I want my daughters to grow up knowing they don’t need to shrink to be worthy. I want my son to know that strength isn’t just in muscle, but in compassion and presence. And I want all three of them to see that their mom values joy more than a jean size.
How to Stay Healthy Without Going to Extremes
Wanting to feel good in your body is natural and good. But it doesn’t have to mean chasing perfection. Here are a few gentle, real-life tips that have helped me stay grounded:
1. Move with joy, not guilt.
Go for a walk with your kids, dance while you clean, and stretch in the morning sunshine. Movement should be something that adds energy to your life, not drains it.
2. Eat with care, not control.
Cook meals that nourish and comfort you. Enjoy dessert without explaining it. Listen to your body instead of fighting it. Food is more than fuel—it’s connection, celebration, and love.
3. Rest when you need it.
Your body is not a machine. You are allowed to rest, nap, or do nothing. Rest is productive when it helps you restore.
4. Protect your mental space.
Unfollow accounts that make you feel “less than.” Curate your feed like you would a gallery wall, only keep what uplifts you. Let’s be honest, we all need a good social media cleanse at least once a year.
5. Be your own example.
If you wouldn’t say it to your child, don’t say it to yourself. Show them what it looks like to take care of your body without punishing it.
6. Keep fitness in perspective.
Exercise is a wonderful part of a healthy life. But it shouldn’t take over everything. Don’t let workouts replace your hobbies or family time. And please, steer clear of things like steroids or extreme supplements. The short-term “gains” just aren’t worth the long-term consequences.
Final Thoughts
More than a toned body or wrinkle-free face, I want to pass on this truth to my children: they are already enough. I want my daughters to know they never have to shrink to be loved. I want my son to grow into a man who knows that strength comes from kindness, not just muscle.
And I want them to remember that their mom didn’t chase the perfect body. She chased joy. She chose presence. She loved them—and herself—without condition.
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